Diplomacy

Pursuant to my 'Degenrate' blog, I have (I think) resolved the situation.

A few days ago, I was taking a nap and heard yet again the doggy park keychain fetch situation outside my door. My god. I had so many violent, textbook American Psycho fantasies (so many robust permutations and variety that I literally giggled several times at my own ingenious poison thoughts under the blanket) that I felt like writing another blog just to sweat the toxins out of my brain and also to leave some poison morsels for posterity to read and review. Then I had a frightening thought in my mind... what if I keep these thoughts baking in my mind, and one day, I just sleep walk and wake up with blood on my hands and their body parts in the freezer! What then?!!

After thinking about the frightening possibility (remote but not entirely impossible)... I dared not go back to sleep without resolving the situation. Afterall, I do have very violent fantasies but I would never actually do it. That would be psychotic. I may be twisted but not psychotic!

So, on my way out to run some errands that evening, I discussed the issue (the facts not the fantasies) with my doorman/concierge guy and I decided then and there, what I was thinking in parallel as a rational person, that I write a gentle letter to the degenerate (aka my neighbor).

I wrote: "Dear Neighbor: I would really appreciate it if you can exercise your dog outside and not in the hallway. It's up to you. But if you don't, please do not use keychain or metallic item to play fetch. It is very loud. Perhaps, you can use a plastic ball or something that is not metallic or as loud? I would appreciate it. Thank you."

Short, sweet, and straight to the point. I showed it to my concierge desk guy and he gave me the apt. building stationery envelope that I put the little memo into. He told me that if that doesn't work, he will get the dog and go up to the rooftop and throw it 29 stories down. I said, "OK."

Well, since the day after I dropped off that memo, the doggie park continues outside my door. But I only hear a rubber ball. No more keychains. It's been 3 days now without the loud metallic sound going off every 5 seconds for 30 mins. every 4 hrs.

Thank the gods. Diplomacy worked!

I can imagine though, in a parallel universe (the existence of which is now a consensus among most theoretical physicists), their body parts would be in a clear ziplock bag in my freezer as I write this blog.

Diplomacy worked. I'm relieved.

Palin CBS Interview-- Foreign Policy/Russia

My God.

Something that I would never say...

"Hey, gal, lose 15 lbs.!" That's not gentlemanly.

But I met a gal pal at my bar earlier tonight and she's trying out for a TV station as a sports reporter. Everything apparently went well. But she said that they said that she needs to lose 10 lbs. She took it like a Champ though.

Anyway, my jaw dropped. Because it was so true and they actually told her the truth. As a friend, even if she were 100 lbs. overweight, I would not have said anything. At worst, I would have said, "You look healthy!"

The truth of the matter is that there are some fairly absolute standards especially for overweight women. I feel bad for them sometimes. Because alot of them actually dont eat that much. But their genes and metabolism milks every fat out of those calories and put it on their ass, thighs, or abdomen.

I'm known and pride myself in being honest. "Nah, that scarf doesnt work with that outfit." "Sorry, those shoes are not sexy." etc. But when it comes to telling gals their weight, I skip it entirely.

So it's nice to know that there are some places and people who can tell them exactly the truth.

Hey, me, I need to gain 20 lbs. and workout and develop some muscles. I'll take it like a champ too. I think though that it's easier to gain weight than to lose it. Once I worked out for 3 weeks straight and I looked like Bruce Lee... Enter the Dragon.. tight and atheletic like a gay porn star. So I know that my body is quite malleable. 6 months max.

I feel bad for women though. Hard to loose the weight off the ass once the ass grows. That's why I'll never date a woman with a big ass. After childbirth, she will be a Sasquatch. Fck that.

I can never love a fat ass woman-- even if she wins the Nobel Prize.

Lehman and Lethe-- A River Runs Through It

"My accountants tell me how much I have. But they can never tell me how much is enough."-- Seneca (the Younger, 1st century A.D.)

Hubris, avarice, vanity, and Empire.

Burn baby burn.

Drexel Burnham Lambert, SunTrust, LTCM, Baring Securities, Enron, Bear, Lehman. (19 centuries later.)

We will never learn. Lethe, river of forgetfullness.

Humans... so easily forget the past.

May Rome burn while Nero fiddles [note: figurative, not actual] and smiles.

Tis our lot; that's why a life unexamined is a tragedy and a comedy.

Estelle - American Boy... Kanye West (Video)

Estelle and this video is very ghetto and it's been out for a few months. But I love this song. Perfect blend of hip hop and harmony. Great success.

How I Feel - Most of the Week

Hey. Nah. Hmmm. [In clockwise order from the bottom right.]

Degenerate

I have this girl who lives across the floor from my apt. She's a degenerate. An Asian gal around 30 yrs. old. I see her from time to time in the elevator or waiting for the elevator. She looks like shit. She never wears make up and always wears basketball shorts or sweats and flip flops. She's the type of girl that looks like she never showers and doesn't care to. She also recently got a small dog. It's a size of a skinny cat and very hyperactive. It's a kindda dog that I can pick up and chuck across the street like a nerf football. Very annoying dog.

Anyway, in the past 2 months, she has decided to make the hallway into her own doggy park and play fetch. She comes out of her hole every few hours and they play fetch. Initially, when I saw this by accident as I was catching the elevator, she had a little pink ball which made minimal noise. But now, she has some kind of key chain or metallic thing that she throws and it makes alot of noise. It's very annoying.

I want to open my door, grab the mutt and step on it like a cockroach and watch it's internal organs spray on the walls then after she finishes watching it, I want to take out a Rambo sized hunting michete and sever her head off (OJ style) and throw it down the trash chute down the hall and on the way back from the trash chute to my apt. make hand stamps on the wall with the blood and sign it with my index finger 'Gucci' then come back inside and blast "Barracuda" by Heart while I wash my hands in the sink and watch the bloodwater swirl down the sinkhole like a twister.

Is that bad?

Borat Does a Campaign

The Aryan Party

I saw the Republican Party Convention tonight and couldn't help but notice that it was all White. I saw one black person and one pacific islander. Does that reflect the composition of this country?

Now obviously, non-whites were not banned from the convention. But it does seem to infer that the non-whites are not inspired or attracted to the RNC. "If you are non-White, then you're guests (an unwelcomed one) here and this land is NOT your land and goddamit, no more handouts to you people."

One of the strengths of America I think is it's diversity. Isn't it? Net net? Despite the tensions that diversity sometimes brings?

Watching the Rep. convention tonight was like jumping in a time ship and going back to pre-Civil War days or watching the Hitler documentary, "Triumph of the Will."

I thought then, hey, this is a genuine Ku Klux Klan rally (fck American Idol, this is the real McCoy.) Kids, go get the popcorn! They're gonna burn niggers, chinks, spics, and queers and finish off with a Golden Calf ceremony. Hurry kids!

Remember... Alaska is close to Russia

So Palin knows world affairs