Diplomacy

Pursuant to my 'Degenrate' blog, I have (I think) resolved the situation.

A few days ago, I was taking a nap and heard yet again the doggy park keychain fetch situation outside my door. My god. I had so many violent, textbook American Psycho fantasies (so many robust permutations and variety that I literally giggled several times at my own ingenious poison thoughts under the blanket) that I felt like writing another blog just to sweat the toxins out of my brain and also to leave some poison morsels for posterity to read and review. Then I had a frightening thought in my mind... what if I keep these thoughts baking in my mind, and one day, I just sleep walk and wake up with blood on my hands and their body parts in the freezer! What then?!!

After thinking about the frightening possibility (remote but not entirely impossible)... I dared not go back to sleep without resolving the situation. Afterall, I do have very violent fantasies but I would never actually do it. That would be psychotic. I may be twisted but not psychotic!

So, on my way out to run some errands that evening, I discussed the issue (the facts not the fantasies) with my doorman/concierge guy and I decided then and there, what I was thinking in parallel as a rational person, that I write a gentle letter to the degenerate (aka my neighbor).

I wrote: "Dear Neighbor: I would really appreciate it if you can exercise your dog outside and not in the hallway. It's up to you. But if you don't, please do not use keychain or metallic item to play fetch. It is very loud. Perhaps, you can use a plastic ball or something that is not metallic or as loud? I would appreciate it. Thank you."

Short, sweet, and straight to the point. I showed it to my concierge desk guy and he gave me the apt. building stationery envelope that I put the little memo into. He told me that if that doesn't work, he will get the dog and go up to the rooftop and throw it 29 stories down. I said, "OK."

Well, since the day after I dropped off that memo, the doggie park continues outside my door. But I only hear a rubber ball. No more keychains. It's been 3 days now without the loud metallic sound going off every 5 seconds for 30 mins. every 4 hrs.

Thank the gods. Diplomacy worked!

I can imagine though, in a parallel universe (the existence of which is now a consensus among most theoretical physicists), their body parts would be in a clear ziplock bag in my freezer as I write this blog.

Diplomacy worked. I'm relieved.