Men hunt, gather, sleep, fuck, and eat. It's been so for 50,000 years. With women, it's alot more complicated.
First off, there's menstruation. From 13 to 45+ (an entire generation), women bleed for a week every month. How annoying and inconvenient! To add insult to injury, they get cramps and bloat. Once my ex-gf, had such severe cramps that I almost ended up calling an ambulance because she was in such pain. It was really shocking. To further add to the injury, as if that isn't enough, the hormonal impact on their emotions is equally taxing to them. It's basically a week of toruture every month. (Fortunately, there are now birth control pills that alleviate this situation. But not all women are or will be on it.)
Secondly, a woman's worth in society is primarily based on their outer beauty. It shouldn't be. But in general, it is. This observation of social dynamics is not a prescription but a description. Outer beauty is, however, perishable and has a very short shelf life. And I think that women, instinctively understand this primitive but realialistic condition. This is why they worry so much about how much they weigh and demand perfect high and lowlights for their hair. A proper shampoo and conditioner are a must also.
Third, the biological clock. Women have them; men don't. Without a single exception, women who I have known start to act alittle differently starting around the age of 28. They become obsessed with marriage around this time. Is this a generalization? Yes, in general, from my experience, this is the case. Are generalizations bad? Yes, if they are without merit or evidence. But as cliches contain kernels of truth, generalizations are not always bad because they are generalizations as long as there is some truth to the generalization. So, women feel the press of time more than guys. The only pressure that guys have about time is regarding death. But this happens only after a man is about 50 whereas for women, the fear of time catching up to them occurs at 28. They start thinking, "Oh my god, I'm almost 30 and I'm going to be an old maid!" It's a near death experience.
Many women nowadays, distract themselves from this fear by focusing on their career. But that only delays the fear until they are around 34-35 when they too (as VP of Marketing, etc) realize that love, marriage, and children are more meaningful than the rat race. They obtain status and have people working for them and have arrived at power. But then, they, quite rightly realize, that all of that is meaningless compared to being a loving (and beloved) wife and mother. Tick toc tick toc tick toc... the meter is running.
Now, even when one gets married, there's a fairly significant chance that they'll get screwed over. The more powerful (in looks, status, or money) the man who she marries, the more options that the man has in every sphere of life. The divorce rate is about 40%. So, if a woman happens to be one of the 40%, that's a bad scenario. She is no longer 25 and because she has been busy raising kids, her resume is 15 yrs. old. Very difficult to get back in the workforce and it's a completely different lifestyle from changing diapers and watching daytime soap operas and going shopping vs. 9 hrs. of work and dealing with corporate politics. Fck!
[There are some women who are 'successful' no matter what (e.g. Oprah, Martha Stewart, JK Rowling, Condoliza Rice, etc.) But exceptions do not make it a rule.]
I'm glad that I'm not a woman. We have to work our asses off like a mule at times. But the alternative, that is, being a woman, is much harder.
I adore women and my life is richer because I'm with them and they with me. They appreciate and notice details, care more about others' feelings, are more responsible than guys, and just as intelligent or more so than guys are because they have a higher sense of intuition. But damn, it's tough to be a woman especially in the 21st century. More opportunities now, yes, but biology stays the same.
The meter keeps running.
[On a positive note though more women than ever before can have and are having a more fulfilling life and can have it all-- a first rate education, a job or a business that engages them, a wonderful husband and a great family.]
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7 comments:
Hunt, gather, sleep, fuck and eat. Is that true of you? Do you think that is true of most men?
And it seems to me that your description of womanhood applies only to a very small percentage of actual women. It's a rather bizarre stereotype, actually.
Any comments, Barbie? Alexandra?
As I mentioned, it is a description, not a prescription. Big difference.
Do you deny that women menstruate (and suffer cramps and go through hormonal highs and lows every month til menopause) and their outer beauty fades with age (which makes them less attractive to most men)and that they have a limited time for child bearing and that many women have competing and quite often conflicting priorities (career vs. marriage) and only a minority of them can have it all?
Thus, my assessment that women have a tougher lot in life than men because we have none of those inconveniences.
Although I would certainly not deny that women menstruate, I find your other statements painfully overgeneralized.
I think it is naive to claim that the fact that "their outer beauty fades with age" is a cause of terrible concern to many women. I think if a woman sees herself as nothing more than a beautiful plaything, and relates to others only in terms of her own physical beauty, then she will be concerned if her "outer beauty fades with age." But I know many women whose "outer beauty" increases with age, as they grow in achievement and confidence in their life and relationships. I know many women my own age or near it who are absolutely stunning, and are considered great beauties even after sixty. The trap comes if a woman is afraid to grow older and tries to make herself look artificially younger. It's much better to look like a beautiful and confident 45 year old, than to look like an insecure 45 year old who wants to look like a 25 year old, or worse a 20 year old. That is sad and unnecessary in this day and age.
Certainly women, and most men too, have "conflicting priorities" when it comes to career and marriage. And women and men have to process those priorities in terms of their individual marriage and relationship. Who doesn't have "conflicting priorities"? In dealing with those and other conflicts, one grows up and, one hopes, becomes a mature adult.
Some people certainly have tough lives, for a variety of reasons. It seems to me that for every woman who has a "tough life", there is a man who has a tough life. And people who have tough lives usually have much more serious things to worry about than the "fading of their outer beauty".
Well. I do agree with most of what you just wrote. I do think that many women do indeed grow in beauty as they get older, Jane Fonda, Katherine Hepburn, Oprah, etc. come to mind. Wisdom, self confidence, and self knowledge definitely is an attractive quality in anyone. And, yes, men are not immune from conflicting priorities ourselves.
I guess everyone (gender) has to some degree some control over how tough or not tough their lives can be if they can focus on the inner vs. the outer strength and beauty.
However, people with such level heads in my experience (from personal, hearsay, popular media, etc.) are not the majority. And given the pressure from the media that "you can have it all!" I do find both genders having problems with increasingly conflicting priorities.
Btw, if a woman's beauty is measured from within, why is it that only someone like Meryl Streeps still gets movie scripts whereas many actress' career are pretty much over by the time they are in their 40s.
You must admit that there is still a huge amount of gender bias in the world and this does not make it easier on women.
I also dare bet that more powerful or wealthy the guy is, there's a higher probability that he would leave a marriage when he finds a younger trophy material. And I'm sure that women are aware of this possibilty. Again, Im not saying that this is the way it should be but the way it is.
I'm not quite sure what the point is about M. Streep. She is enormously talented, accomplished, hard-working, and an excellent colleague. In addition, she is a very beautiful woman physically, and probably will be twenty years from now when she's 80. Such a person is going to get work. Roles will be created specifically tailored to her great gifts.(Also, Catherine Deneuve, Diane Keaton, Isabelle Huppert, Isabella Rosellini, Jeanne Moreau, etc.) Meg Ryan and her ilk played cutesy parts for a few years and couldn't do anything else. Goldie Hawn extended it a bit longer, but became a grotesque parody of herself and most people lost interest. Too bad, because she has talent. But she's sixty and is trying to project the sexual allure of a 23 year old. If she had the nerve to age gracefully into a smart, savvy, well-groomed sixty year old, she's probably be working more.
There is indeed gender bias, but women now have many more tools to combat it than they did 30 years ago.
Your statement about older wealthier men having an edge in the "trophy wife" department suggests that it only works for men. Do you think Ashton Kutchner would be with Demi Moore if she were working as a shelf-stocker at Foodtown? Those with dough have an edge in the "trophy" departemnt, and they usually wind up looking for another new model in a couple of years, paying big alimony to the ex. But such trivial relationships, are hardly the norm.
Women's bodies were never designed to endure 12 months of menstruation for 30 - 45 years you know. Life spans were much lower not too long ago and women were pregnant or nursing the majority of the time, which vastly decreases fertility.
Yet despite that women continue to live remarkable lives and keep it together reasonable well - at least compared to men who kill themselves or each other in far, far greater numbers.
And yes Pierce, I can tell you that Fred spends a great deal of his time doing exactly the things you described in your first comment.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/staticslideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=18113507&imageindex=1
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